I wanted to write about my weekend but wanted to do it in a creative way. So I decided to do in the third person and write it like a small story. No laughs please!!
Here we go.
After the phone call came of a get together in Jersey, for the following Saturday, excitement and apprehension buzzed around the small apartment Jay and his wife, Karthi shared. They had traveled more than their share to Jersey but this was different- this will be a relaxed travel and a party waited them consisting of a small group of friends Jay has known for years. These friends have close connection to the first group of friends he met on his first days in the U.S. Now, most of the initial friends have moved out of the country, with marriage, work, and to escape the east coast life, but they did leave behind memories and friends that has kept them together. With these extended friends an update of a friend far far away is never out of reach.
The apprehension sits with Karthi who after marriage moved where Jay resided-loosing all her connections along the way. Now instead of knowing exactly who will be at a party and having more than enough stories to share, she finds herself not knowing what to expect. She made sure Jay called the day before the party to get the list of the attendees. She was relived to see among the party members, mostly male dominated, that there will be few women around her age attending.
(To be continued…)
Our first year anniversary is fast approaching and we had a busy busy 2010 A few days ago Hubby actually commented that 2011 should be the beginning of our marriage because we were being dragged every whichway in 2010. We didn’t have anytime for boredom and relaxation…and only when you are busy do you realize how precious these moments are. Of course now that I am at home most of the time this wisdom is hard to take in.
Lesson Number One
We learned in our marriage is “Be ruthless about “Our” time.” We would agree to every invitation that came our way- sure they were a lot of fun but it wasn’t just us time. Hubby’s friends would invite us over for weekends when we lived in Jersey and we would spend our weekends with them. Slowly we realized that we were extending ourselves too much and at the end of last year we decided we had enough. The invitations keep coming but we have declined so many. As a young couple and newly married we said “this is our chance to not have any commitments and live at a moment’s notice.” If we are spending our time with those who have kids and those who generally have a settled life then when are we ever going to have time to figure out what our “settled life” should be?
Lesson Number Two
The best thing we did was move into NYC. Thanks to me! I was the most outspoken about our move because I realized we needed a new start. We barely had any time on weekdays just to relax with each other. I like to joke that we moved to the busiest city in the world to find relaxation! We can get together for lunch at moments notice, meet each other around town to give an opinion on a picture for the wall, stay up late to watch movies together. Again “us” time with simple activities.
Lesson Number Three
Hubby and I usually get along very well and see eye to eye on many things. However when stress is involved we are like two animals unwilling to back down. We often comment looking back at our fights that we are agreeing on the big pictute but fighting over details. I think stress does that. So we try to avoid stress but that is difficult in our society so we try not to fight under stress.
Lesson Number Four
Meal cooked by us is the best meal! Hubby makes a great chicken curry. On weekends I would make a couple of vegetarian curries and with his chicken curry-it is the best meal hands down. As we are eating we would say “we’ll never step into a restaurant again…” Of course, sometimes going to a restaurant becomes a neccessaity than actually loving the food.
Lesson Number Five
Engage in simple activities together. We don’t have to do anything fancy. A simple meal, building furnitures together, reading, going downstairs to do our laundry… For example a couple of weeks ago I rented the movie “Easy A”. When I got it home I was a little tired so I decided to watch it. I watched the movie by myself and sure it was good but then when Hubby came we watched it again. Second time it was so much better. We laughed and laughed over all the little jokes (esp. the ones with the family) and for days we would constantly bring up scenes from the movie into our daily conversations.
We have all heard of the importance of sleep and this week I am reminded more and more of just how important sleep is in our relationships. Amazing Guy and I have a meeting this month and need to gather lots and lots of documents from many different resources. This has proven to be a tough task. It is so hard to get something for YOU from these big companies. Our calls get transferred to call centers but no one really knows anything. The left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing. Our bank who we trust with our money is all smiles when we open accounts with them but when we need something its all frowns from the other side. We pay so much for health insurance but during these calls the company doesn’t care about the mental health of their subscribers – this is evident in them transferring me from one person to another without an answer in sight for over hour and a half.
I can only imagine how tough this would be for any couple who both have 8-5 jobs. When would you have time to sit on your phone for this long?
So without any doubt this has been tough on us. Relaying information to one another with all the questions in the middle. Can we do it like this? Can they give us something like this? Can you call them again and ask for…? Why didn’t you ask for something more specific? Did you get an extension of the representatives? No, they don’t give extensions? Are you sure…did you really really make sure. Did the letter have this and that. so forth… yes, its exhausting.
With the lack of sleep it has affected me even more. I’ll be the first to admit after numerous observations that when I don’t get enough sleep everything anyone says sounds like a finger on a blackboard. My mood is severely affected by lack of sleep; I have no patience, I am irritable, I jump to conclusions…..
The Harvard Women’s Health Watch notes six reasons to get enough sleep; learning and memory, metabolism and weight, safety (falling asleep during the day), mood, cardiovascular health, and disease.
Life happens and when we know we lack sleep on a particular day/week/ I would try really hard not to have any conversation that can potentially lead to an argument. Sometimes I’ll tell Amazing Guy that I need some me time for the afternoon so my moodiness doesn’t affect him.
Sometimes it’s just so hard to let an argument go! Sometimes the argument just vanishes.
Every little thing about Amazing Guy this weekend drove me up the wall. I was annoyed that the long weekend started off with our indecisiveness, we couldn’t even decide if we should get out of the house or not, our guest bedroom has been turned into “let me put all my crap in there so I can better organize it…even if it takes indefinite amount of time” and should we or should we not move into the city.
It was just so strange- to have an amazing beautiful sunny day to enjoy and feeling like nothing would fix the frustration we felt with each other. As the weekend came to a rollercoaster ending, the anger list …small and big… seemed like it wouldn’t stop growing.
Somehow, don’t really understand it, after having dinner late on Sunday night at home as we continued to not speak to each other…4 hours and counting, all of it- the anger, hurt, resentment just melted away-from our bodies, hearts, and heads.
On Monday morning, we woke up bright and early, found a cozy spot in our patio, and had a conversation- without finger pointing, anger, and expectations. A nice conversation while sipping on coffee.
Next time, I am going to try a suggestion from David at LivSimpl on ways to diffuse an argument. When a disagreement peaks its ugly head between Amazing Guy and myself I am going to say “Let’s fight about it.”
The outside world is stressing me out…why are you also doing the same?
This is something that Amazing Guy asked me last night…and it really got to me.
Today Amazing guy and I fought. This isn’t of course unusual however the way it concluded was a bit interesting. We got into a heated argument, he hung up the phone on me, and I called to ask if he truly did hang up on me?
We have agreed in the beginning of our relationship we would not hang up the phone in the amidst of an argument – which I BROKE first, a few months into the agreement and now today, somewhat more cool and calm Amazing Guy, failed at.
I called and asked “did you hang up on me?”
His reply “I think so.”
“Did you have a blackout or something you don’t remember.”
On and on…
Me “you know what- we are done talking about this- have a good night and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
We always ALWAYS say goodnight to each other and have not missed a day of doing so. Yet, I said it.
The way everything ended was not sure if Amazing Guy would call since he is a hour ahead and always the first to say good night.
To somewhat of a surprise he does call. My sweet guy!
We ask each other how we are, talk a bit about our day, and conclude it with a few kisses on the phone. Ha!
Sometimes its just easy to let go of an argument than to analyze it.
I need to listen better!
Anyone have any advice?
I am busy painting my bedroom the past few days and the next week I’ll be busy painting the living room, guestroom, and my parents bedroom. Something about weddings and painting…