Our first year anniversary is fast approaching and we had a busy busy 2010 A few days ago Hubby actually commented that 2011 should be the beginning of our marriage because we were being dragged every whichway in 2010. We didn’t have anytime for boredom and relaxation…and only when you are busy do you realize how precious these moments are. Of course now that I am at home most of the time this wisdom is hard to take in.
Lesson Number One
We learned in our marriage is “Be ruthless about “Our” time.” We would agree to every invitation that came our way- sure they were a lot of fun but it wasn’t just us time. Hubby’s friends would invite us over for weekends when we lived in Jersey and we would spend our weekends with them. Slowly we realized that we were extending ourselves too much and at the end of last year we decided we had enough. The invitations keep coming but we have declined so many. As a young couple and newly married we said “this is our chance to not have any commitments and live at a moment’s notice.” If we are spending our time with those who have kids and those who generally have a settled life then when are we ever going to have time to figure out what our “settled life” should be?
Lesson Number Two
The best thing we did was move into NYC. Thanks to me! I was the most outspoken about our move because I realized we needed a new start. We barely had any time on weekdays just to relax with each other. I like to joke that we moved to the busiest city in the world to find relaxation! We can get together for lunch at moments notice, meet each other around town to give an opinion on a picture for the wall, stay up late to watch movies together. Again “us” time with simple activities.
Lesson Number Three
Hubby and I usually get along very well and see eye to eye on many things. However when stress is involved we are like two animals unwilling to back down. We often comment looking back at our fights that we are agreeing on the big pictute but fighting over details. I think stress does that. So we try to avoid stress but that is difficult in our society so we try not to fight under stress.
Lesson Number Four
Meal cooked by us is the best meal! Hubby makes a great chicken curry. On weekends I would make a couple of vegetarian curries and with his chicken curry-it is the best meal hands down. As we are eating we would say “we’ll never step into a restaurant again…” Of course, sometimes going to a restaurant becomes a neccessaity than actually loving the food.
Lesson Number Five
Engage in simple activities together. We don’t have to do anything fancy. A simple meal, building furnitures together, reading, going downstairs to do our laundry… For example a couple of weeks ago I rented the movie “Easy A”. When I got it home I was a little tired so I decided to watch it. I watched the movie by myself and sure it was good but then when Hubby came we watched it again. Second time it was so much better. We laughed and laughed over all the little jokes (esp. the ones with the family) and for days we would constantly bring up scenes from the movie into our daily conversations.
Amazing Guy and I started off talking on the phone before we met in person. After about a week of doing this I had to tell Amazing Guy my rule. The text message went something like this “There will be no pets in the house. I am sorry I just don’t want any pets in my house and if that is a problem for you we can stop this conversation before it goes any further.” Amazing Guy didn’t text back for a few hours which was unusual for us. I figured he was shocked by my text… He called and said “we must compromise.” I said “no, I don’t want to compromise-this is not one of those issues that I can see myself compromising over.”
This, at the beginning of our relationship seemed like it was important and only fair to let him know -afterall it wasn’t something I was willing to compromise on.
I never grew up with pets in the house so I don’t see pets as being a major part of my life either. Never have. I also think it has to do with being a little scared of pets in general- would they listen to me, would they jump at me and what if I fall down on to a table and hit my head..I am in a coma for a month…well, you get the picture? I was not one of those children that begged their parents for a dog or a pony. When I was younger my best friend had a dog and I was so anxious when he would come around where I was. I didn’t know if he was going to jump at me, lick me, or want to be petted.
We let this conversation take a back seat as other conversations became the center of our attention.
Only now and I should have guessed it back then as well, do I know that Amazing Guy is definitely an animal lover. National Geographic and Animal Planet are his favorite channels. Any situations/disagreements where he thinks stress is the cause of it – he will always remind me how if we just had a pet in the house we’ll all be so much better. And when he found this article he had to show it to me.
I’ll remind him of my text earlier in our relationship and his reply will be “I didn’t want a big wedding but I compromised.”
Amazing Guy and I did the legal thing last week. It was a mini Hindu wedding. There were three other couples married at the court house and we were the most dressed up! With all the bright colors- we couldn’t help but stand out in the crowd.
The day went something like this:
Early morning start!
Almost 1 ½ hour waiting at the court room for the judge
15 minutes with the judge
We exchanged some beautiful garlands and rings.
Dinner at all vegetarian Indian spot in NJ-yummy!!
Chit chat at home for a bit
Amazing Guy bought some a heart-shaped cake that we cut and shared with our family. More pictures were taken.
We went the temple.
Picked up some food at the same Vegetarian spot and brought it come.
Reviewed photos, photos, and MORE PHOTOS.
My brother kept asking me if I was nervous…and I wasn’t.
Isn’t that something?
I talked to my amazing guy close to three months before I went to meet him. We talked a lot during this time.
I was the first to e-mail him. The e-mail went something like this:
“Hello Amazing guy, my dad gave me your e-mail address. Please confirm I have the right address before we continue. – Thanks your amazing lady.”
I love how I wrote “before we continue” –We continue in this adventure called arranged marriage.
For my e-mail, a day or two later, I received a reply:
Hello, amazing lady. How are you? Thanks for your e-mail and yes, you have the right e-mail address. Hoping that we can talk over the weekend depending on your schedule. Let me know your thoughts.”
I found this to be quite warm to my e-mail. I remember thinking why did I treat my first e-mail to him so businesslike. I should have at least said “how are you?” What kind of impression did I make on him?